Monday, March 21, 2016

Mrs Paterson Balloon Writing

This writing is helping us to describe the hot air balloons that visited the school last week.

Walt: describe the hot air balloon. 

Children gasped as the fiery dragon spat spurts of flame into thin air.  A tug of the lever and the agonising heat touched my skin leaving an uncomfortable warmth.  Children backed away slowly, cowering from the sound that pierced our ears. 
Clambering in the creaky wicker basket with a sense of pride, Almas created a flamboyant  flame that dispersed into the atmosphere.  The intense colour lit up the bleak sky like fireworks, and the heat lay a blanket of warmth over the  children. i stared in awe!

In the distance a striped blanket floated gently on the ground, rolling like waves in the ocean.  Excitable chatter and coos filled the air as the envelope slowly filled its pillow insides with the blistering heat.  Gradually rising from the ground, the light bulb silhouette bounced in the air like a kangaroo fleeing from its predator.  Lifting its basket from the desolate ground, ropes wrapped their arms around the trees preventing the wicker from climbing high into the coffee colored clouds.  Satisfied and informed.  I made my way back to class and the envelope slumped to the ground.  Lifeless!

Success Criteria (My writing to be successful should include these language features

Adjectives, agonising, creaky, flamboyant, desolate
Alliteration (repeating sounds/letters)  e.g climbing into coffee coloured clouds, flamboyant flame
Similes  (compare using like or as)  rolling like waves in the ocean, 
Metaphors  (compare without using like or as)  pillow insides
Personification  (adding a human characteristic to a non-human object) warmth lay a blanket, sound that pierced our ears
Short sentences for impact Lifeless, I stared in awe!

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